She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
