i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
