I wish I could punch you in the face.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I have post one night stand depression
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
