i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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