Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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