Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
