sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
