I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
