Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize