Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
