Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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