I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i dont even know how to be here
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
