oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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