Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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