my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
