I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
