go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
