The maid of honor just puked.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
