we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Everything about him screamed your future.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
