Pants 0. Shit 1.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
