yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
