just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
