Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
