I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
