it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This toilet bowl is my home.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
