i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
