he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
