She is in my trunk
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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