I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think your dad took our porno
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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