No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
