im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
ok first of all what the fuck
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
