I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
