he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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