You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
