Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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