eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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