i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize
