You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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