All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize