I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
