john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
