I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
