I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
