Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
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