I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
