Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
