good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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