Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wish I could punch you in the face.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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