What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
