Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize