if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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