I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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