yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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