Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
