he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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