Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
