and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
