I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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