Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
