She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
