and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize