well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
