I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
