If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
