Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
