I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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