Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
They took my balls.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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