Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
