i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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