you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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