1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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