if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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