a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize