You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize