he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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