You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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