i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
