It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
