i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
