If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
