Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
