The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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