it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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