It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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