Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
