I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
