yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
