help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Everything about him screamed your future.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
