Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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