Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
