birth control should be required to get into college
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
