You made me cry and you don't even care
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
