im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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