the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
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