Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
