He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
