This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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