WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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