I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize