And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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