remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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